Heather Havrilesky makes my days

Every so often she writes an advice blog post to us unattached women that heartens me for the cold struggle of single life.

This is another very similar advice blog post she wrote which is one of my very favorites, because it contains this:
"It's beneath me, to be with someone who has such a limited sense of what I'm about, who has such a limited capacity to understand or appreciate me, who sees me as lacking in "mystery" because I'm honest with him, because I have ideas, because I don't constantly leave him guessing."

I'm thinking about it this way: I have to figure out exactly the person I'm supposed to be, because otherwise how will my soulmate recognize me?

I AM A SAP!

The Blog Lives!

My computer's power cord broke, and it took awhile for me to get a new one. I hope this didn't interfere too much with your new media consumption.

I've been working long-ish hours, and driving A LOT. So I'm kind of a crazy person now. Still eating a lot of fast food, not biking very often, watching "No Direction Home" over and over and over.

That makes it sound like I'm depressed. But no, I'm not. Feeling pretty up, feeling like things are moving along. Just living an un-sustainable lifestyle.

Thanks giving!

I am thankful for:
- lots of food
- a new job
- new friends
- old friends
- being protected from the financial crisis
- thick socks
- a healthy body
- two bikes
- a new IPHONE
- unions
- people who are outspoken about their attraction towards me

Work.

I don't talk about day jobs on this blog. Which is a tough situation when a day job is all I've got going on at the moment.

Do we all hate sitting in our apartments by ourselves? Even if we've been out all day. Especially if I've been out all day.

I've discovered I hate doing things half-assed. I want to be all in, all the time.

The Best Demonstration YET

On saturday I (and it feels like everyone I know) went to a protest of Proposition 8 downtown. My friends Nellie and Elizabeth, who has turned into a crackerjack videographer, were there, and Elizabeth made this video about the event. Which I got interviewed for because I love ATTENTION.



The amazing part of the demonstration is that we caused an impromptu shutdown of Michigan Avenue. So there were cars stranded in this sea of protesters. Too bad for the people in those cars, and if you were one of them I'm sorry you got stuck, but OH MAN was that cool.

Some thoughts about organizing for marriage rights: the biggest obstacle is that most people identify as straight. (Even though WAY more of them are queer than can deal with it.) So how do you make the case for marriage rights being in a straight person's self interest? It seems that having someone in your immediate family be gay leads to political involvement. So that widens the net of interest considerably, but that's still not the majority of americans. Also, some people are real assholes to their gay relatives.

But you know, sometimes you don't need a true majority, you just need a more motivated minority. What matters is who shows up to vote, so maybe supporters of marriage rights could get something done at the midterm elections.

Also, it is possible to get people fired up about stuff that doesn't have any impact on their lives. Example: pro-life voters. So we just need to make sure every sunday people go to a place where they get told voting against marriage rights will send them to hell.

I want to state for the record that this song should be in a commercial for marriage rights. Although I think money should be spent on fundraisers and organizers, not commercials. Just yet.



But ok, if we were to assume that I won't end up gay married, what would motivate me to attend these marriage rights events?
- because marriage is a great institution to raise kids in, and I like the way the kids gay people raise turn out
- because it's a good thing for people to have someone around to be old with: gets them to the doctor, puts them in a home when they need it, yells at them for smoking and eating crap
- because the parents of gay people shouldn't be denied the chance to show off with an out of control wedding
- because wedding professionals need the business

This was kind of a brainstorm post. One thing I think the Obama campaign taught me is that followers are just as valuable as leaders. So I'm just going to do whatever the people already organizing around marriage rights want me to do.

The Lessons of the Campaign

1. It is a good thing to meet strangers

Having to introduce myself to so many strangers everyday made me so even-keeled. They weren't all nice strangers at all- a couple of encounters really shook me up. Especially one guy in Seven Hills who honestly YELLED "Are you kidding me?!" when I knocked on his door and asked "What issues are you most concerned about?" I think because we were making eye contact while he yelled at me. So there was a pause, and I said, "Would you like me to leave?" and he said, "yes." That was really odd.

But people are actively don't want anything to do with you are the chaff, and it turns out there's lots of wheat out there. People who loved Obama loved me too, but lots and lots of undecided people loved me also. Lots of people need other people to ask them questions about their lives. Lots of older folks desperately need some people to have conversations with.

2. It is a good thing to need something from other people.

I guess it's a common organizing trick to ask someone for a glass of water before you ask them to sign a card. Because you establish a pattern of them saying yes to your requests. But also I think it works because we like people who need stuff from us. Like kids. It makes us feel important and secure. I think one of the smartest tactics of the Obama campaign was constantly asking people to volunteer. Because if you convince someone you desperately need them to make phone calls for you, they are at least going to show up on election day for you. I would ask people who weren't even decided to come by the office and volunteer. Because politics is a social activity, not a thought experiment, and no one will show up to social activities where they aren't expected and wanted.

3. Everyone is batshit crazy.

On tuesday I door knocked with a guy who thought there was a really good chance Obama was the Antichrist. Which means he was not just voting for the Antichrist, but actively campaigning for the Antichrist. So you shouldn't give up on someone once they establish they're a psycho. Psychos will help you out.

Which is why I think GLBT groups and reproductive rights groups need to rethink relying on the courts to protect our rights. Yeah, most people, if you put them behind a curtain and ask them to check yes or no on whether men should get to marry men, will check no. That's why we need to knock on people's doors and say, "I need your help to protect my marriage. I need you to knock doors with me next saturday or else I won't get to make medical decisions for my spouse." That way it's no longer abstract, and you just made them part of your team. And they have to say "no" out loud to you, rather than getting to decide other people's lives in secrecy.

Of course, easier written than done.

4. Black men love white women with big asses.

I'm sorry to reinforce a stereotype, but the men of Gary weren't sorry to reinforce this particular one.

5. Politics does wonders for loneliness.

Both mine and other people's.

We gotta do something for older people in this country. This whole "hide out alone in the house you worked your whole life to buy" thing is not good for anyone. Maybe we need to go back to multi-generational living. How convenient we have this recession to force us into that! Or at least there should be retirement roomies, like in Golden Girls. I think our intense process of raising kids ends up isolating a lot of people.

6. A lot of people who call themselves Christians do evil things to other people, but Jesus still had a lot of good ideas.

Like, love your neighbor. Honestly go love them, by checking up on them and seeing what you can do for them and telling them what they can do for you. Even your neighbor who is gay. Even your neighbor who hates gay people.

And casting the money-changers out. And not getting married. And including the ladies. And feeding everyone who shows up. And being tortured to death.

Well, I'm not going to take that last one to heart.

In Love

I felt much better after pouring my heart out to you about being heartbroken. Of course, I felt much better after dropping out of law school, and felt much better after the first person I dated since, and much better after moving away from Cleveland, and much better after giving my dog back to him.

I know that sounds awful, but I used to cry every time I took her for a walk because I thought of him. Yes I am very selfish for giving her to him. Except I'm sure she's having a wonderful time.

Point being, having an instant flash moment of "over it!" is for me, a myth. But I have felt much better recently. It's because I'm in love with people in Gary, Indiana.

What does romantic love give me? The crucial feeling of being needed, of specialness, and responsibility for someone else's growth. God, those feelings are so great. Also, being understood. And to break 'being understood' down further, having someone assume the best about you- when you're rude, it's because you're tired, when you're sad it's because you have real things to be sad about, when you're lazy it's fun, not deeply disappointing.

And the people in Gary do all of that for me! They are so amazing. The warmth and affection and trust- immediately! From strangers!

Of course, Gary can be a very dangerous place. But that makes it even more amazing- these are people who live in sometimes extremely dangerous situations. Certainly lots of exhausting situations. But they aren't exhausted.

And I guess another part of being in love is feeling transformed yourself, like the best parts of yourself are being brought out.

Here's a story of why I'm in love with people in Gary.

The Gary courthouse has been a madhouse for the past two weeks. The early voting hours were only 8:30 to 4, and the week before last the rule was you had to be within 50 feet of the voting machines to vote if you were in line at 4.

I know, it sounds illegal, right? But early voting is new, so no one had a handle on the rules.

There was a day were there were about 50 people the courthouse staff tried to turn away at 4, because they weren't within 50 feet of the machines. These were people who had waited for TWO HOURS to vote.

So I was freaking out, because I didn't know how to force the courthouse staff to let people vote. And this woman in line just said really loud, "I'm staying here until I vote; if that means I'm here overnight that's fine with me."

So nobody in line would leave. So they let everyone vote that night. And people stayed until 6:30 to vote.

After a week of nights like that, the board of elections finally changed the rule so that everyone in line at 5 (they also extended the hours) gets to vote.

Then I saw that same woman at the East Chicago courthouse, where she had driven some other ladies to vote early, and she said, "Didn't we have fun that night? That was great."

Goddamnit, some people are amazing.

Transformative experiences, courtesy of Barack Obama. Get yours while they're hot.

Whew

Gosh, dudes. Sunday Monday Tuesday. That's it. All we got. If you don't do something in the next three days, you have to resign yourself to whatever for four years.

I really do wish I had something substantive to add to your knowledge of the presidential race. I'm not 538.

For instance, would 538 tell you this is it's favorite Fiona Apple thing?



No. Just polls there.

I'm so tired of fried chicken. Back when I was a vegetarian- what was that, july? I couldn't resist fried chicken. Now I think I've eaten fried chicken every day for a month. After the election and ensuing unrest, I'm going on a cleanse.

Also, I can barely do two pullups. BARELY. Lots of people wouldn't consider them pullups.



I've been thinking a lot about Mariah Carey today, and how she weathers disappointing circumstances by shaking it off and putting on some silky sheets. Here's Mariah singing "Against All Odds." You are WELCOME.